Pity Party

I am thinking about throwing myself a pity party. In fact, I am going to. For one, because I think I deserve it, being a day away from 39 weeks pregnant and two, because I am hoping I will feel better after. I was just looking back on some journal entries yesterday and my heart was sad. The words I used, the faith I had, the heart I had for the Lord was so evident. I know I cannot look in the past and stay in the past, but I know I can learn alot from it. Those times in my life, not only was I growing with God, but I was discovering new things about him because of the godly influence of those around me. I was experiencing some real hard times in life and ministry and found myself in a place of healing. Those around me were not pouring into to me personally by any means, but the environment I was in, was one that was spiritually challenging and spirit led. There was a deep love for the Lord and a humility and understanding of how desperately we need him and how amazing he is.

I am amazed how that experience caused me to grow so much. I grew in my discernment, because my theology was challenged and so was my heart. I knew not all was truth around me, but I grew in learning how to sift through what was truth and what was not and not expect perfection as a means by which I could exclusively grow and learn. By the grace of God, he humbled me enough so that I was open to take from those around me the good and leave the bad. And my life was changed.

Sometimes, I just feel so spiritually dry. Hence, the pity party. I know I cannot expect someone or something to fix it for me. But sometimes I just wonder what it would be like to have one older person in my life, a mentor, with spiritual and mental wisdom, pour into me. To even have a few around, where I can just glean some wisdom and spiritual insight from their areas of strength. Where's the Pauls in life? And sorry, I am healthy enough to know the answer is not to BE a Paul! I know my spiritual growth is up to me in many ways, maybe in all ways, but I am just hungry for a community of humility and brokenness, truth and grace, and a whole heck of alot of the Spirit!