Back to Work...the Brutally Honest Thoughts of a Teacher

It was so nice to be able to stay home with the kids in the summer and not have the added stress of work in my life. I really do enjoy teaching, as I have found my misplaced passion in the last few days, but it can be such an emotionally, mentally, and physically demanding job. It was so freeing to not have to even think for a second about kids that are not my own or grading papers or planning exciting lessons for my students, or staying late for meetings. It was just nice to to have a break and just enjoy and take care of and worry about my own beautiful kids that I gave birth to. They of course, are the ones that are most important and deserve all of my attention. Sure, it wasn't all bliss and I had my days and they had theirs but it was such a gift to be home.
Last Wednesday, I was pretty upset that work was starting again so suddenly. Back to leaving my kids, making lunches, rushing out the door, getting to work on time and back to being "on" for all my 150 students. It was already time to return to work, having just come out of one of the worst years in teaching of my career. So much so that I was still just so drained from last year after having two months off. Well, that, and that I am 9 months pregnant, and that it is 115 degrees outside!

I cannot believe what a terrible year that was for me. My students were some of the worst I had ever seen. I can remember crying, more times than I would like to admit, the nights before I would have to go back to work. I often wondered why any sane person would do this to themselves. Exhaust every bit of energy trying to motivate, teach, love, help, discipline, and guide these kids just to get punched in the face day after day! (Thank God, not literally!) Then to go home and have nothing left for my own family who I love more than anything in the world!

Thank God, he will take care of those students for whom my love died quickly! My compassion went missing a few weeks in to the school year, and anger, bitterness, and even hate took over my heart! I wish I could have been stronger, but I wasn't and I just continued to spiral down into a deep pit where there was only anger and I was stuck! Really, those poor kids; they have horrible homes, may not even live in one, have parents that are worthless or not at all around, and they are 13 or 14 on their own. Over the years, I have had fellow colleagues say that a bad year comes every so often, but I never knew it could be that bad. My seventh year teaching is one I will never forget it!

So needless to say, I had a ton of anxiety about starting back to work. But thank God, this year has just been great. I have only been with my students three days now, but I am choosing to be positive! They are great and I am feeling pretty great too! What a different environment in my classroom and in my heart! I am so thankful for a new year.