Enjoy or endure? Why is it that I find I can only have moments in life where I truly enjoy and the rest of my life feels like I endure? What a terrible way to live my life. I have been in the trenches lately. Feeling overwhelmed, worried about meaningless things, having a spiritual life that feels like its on hold, and struggling with joy.
Moments when I actually stop long enough, maybe for a second, and stare into my kids eyes that a window to my soul opens. I realize this life is quickly passing and my time here is not long. Shortly, it will be my daughter tucking her daughter in, and me, with my little grandchildren. And same with my boys. Kaden is almost five and I already tell him that when he grows up and moves out he will have to live next door to us. I fear that while I am just enduring life, I am missing out on life in the present. I will never get these moments back with my kids. So when I am tucking in the kids at night, or when the kids will run to me and give me a big hug when I get home from work, or before bed praying together and cuddling, or when they get a boo boo, or when they just say the sweetest things, those are the moments I catch myself in the present, and experience pure joy. I don't want to miss out on the things God has so richly blessed my life with today by wasting time "enduring". Today I am blessed with three children; four, two, and one. It is pretty crazy and chaotic at times, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. Today I am blessed with a loving and godly husband, with wonderful family and friends, with a job, with truly, all my needs being met. If I could just stay in that place of gratitude. If I could just stay in the present every moment instead of just one. . .
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